How can I best support my child during eating disorder treatment?

One of the most important steps you can take to support your child during eating disorder treatment is to make sure that your child has a treatment team that specializes in treating eating disorders. Treating eating disorders can be complicated and risky; you want to make sure that your child is in the hands of someone who has extensive training and experience specifically in this field. It is also essential that your child’s treatment providers feel like a “good match” for your child’s personality. When your child feels comfortable and understood by her providers, treatment usually proceeds more smoothly.

Another way that you can support your child is to let her know that you are always there to listen. Then, try hard to listen instead of talk. Your child will likely not want to talk about food with you and that is perfectly fine. Remember that eating is only the symptom. Underneath your child is struggling with lots of negative emotions. Allowing her to express these emotions to you when she is ready is really helpful.

There are also some things not to do if you want to be a good support person for your child. Don’t play “food police”. When you are constantly watching what she is eating, it usually serves to just make the behaviors more secretive and this usually complicates recovery. Also, try not to comment about appearance at all. You will be trapped in a “no-win” situation! If you say to your child that she is “thin”, then she feels like she has to work extra hard at her eating disorder to stay thin. If you say that she is looking “healthier”, then she feels like she is fat and must diet even more to lose weight. In general, it’s a good idea to keep the focus off appearance altogether; even appearance comments about other family members, friends, or celebrities can be triggering.

Speaking of triggers, ask your child about possible “triggers” in your home. It is often helpful to remove reminders of dieting—scales, diet books, diet products, etc. Your child may also have items that are specific triggers to her so be sure to ask her directly and problem-solve together what may help.

Finally, be patient. Eating disorder recovery is a long and gradual process for most. Celebrate your child’s little victories and be willing to accept that there will occasionally be setbacks too. Don’t panic at any one “slip” backward. Of course, if you notice a pattern of increasing slips, suggest that your child may need more intensive treatment or support.

On a final note, eating disorders can take a toll on the whole family not just the child with the eating disorder. There will be times when you feel angry, scared, or sad. Parents often worry and feel stressed throughout the recovery process, especially when they have lots of unanswered questions. Consider parent coaching with an eating disorder expert to get answers to your questions, help to plan next steps, and provide you the support you need so that you can best support your child.