First, trust your gut if you are feeling like your child may have an eating disorder. Don’t wait to bring it up for fear of upsetting your child. Eating disorders are dangerous and are much easier to treat in the early stages.
When you’ve decided to talk to your child, pick a quiet time and place. Make sure that there is not food involved (e.g., don’t have the conversation over dinner or at the local Starbucks). It’s usually best to have these conversations one on one rather than involving the whole family. Try to set the tone for a good conversation by being calm and matter-of-fact.
Begin by telling your child that you are concerned because you have noticed X, Y, and Z. Use the list in the article on signs and symptoms to help you identify ahead of time what specifically concerns you. Make sure to use “I” terms. For example, “I’m scared because I feel like you’ve lost a lot of weight recently.” Although it will be hard and you may be emotional, try your best to stay calm and just state what you’ve noticed.
Then, it’s time to stop and let your child talk. Really just listen and try not to engage in any arguing. Your child may be very defensive or angry initially as denial is a huge part of the eating disorder. If things get too heated, stop the conversation, but let her know that you want to talk about it again in a few days and you are not going to let the issue go. After the second talk, tell her that you want to have her checked out to make sure she is both safe and gets the help that she needs.
What do you do if your child is still refusing help after you have this conversation? See my article “What can I do to encourage my child to seek eating disorder treatment?”